Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
