i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
