Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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