I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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