Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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