just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
