Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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