Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I need a burrito and a hug.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
