Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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