I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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