There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
