My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
