I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
