Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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