i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I cut my penus on the lid.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
