I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize