No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
