And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's never too late to be topless.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
