If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
