Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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