i dedicated my morning wood to you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
