I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
