i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
