I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and she was petting her beer can
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
