It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
