And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
