She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need water and some morals
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You ruined the universe
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
