I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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