____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
