if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
