new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
