You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
