i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
