i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Come on in and take your pants off
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