dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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