i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
