so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize