So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
its not stalking. its research.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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