I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Such a big mess for such a small penis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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