I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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