Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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