It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
