You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
