Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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