We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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