Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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