i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
