My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
