I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
