and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
