My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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