Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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