I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
