ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
