I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize