By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
