john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Someone came in the potted fern
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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