i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
