He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
