Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
