Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
