i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
